I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
