I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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