It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
