I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
