No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
