my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
