All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
