i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
