So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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