All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize