He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
