What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
