So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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