I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
