Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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