can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
