I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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