3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
