seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
