seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they're like a gay fantastic four
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
