dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry about my life...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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