FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
