Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
