I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The struggles of a small town man whore
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
