Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just tell him i said nine months
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
