Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
