either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
