i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
