she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
