you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
