really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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