My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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