Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
