Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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