I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
