Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
