I love how my cats smell like pot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
