I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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