the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
