hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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