Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
