Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
