one two three fourrrrnication!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
