I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
