Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
