I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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