You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to make out with him forever
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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