i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
