U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
