Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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