This girl is more easily done than said...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
