my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
