just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You have to summon your inner elephant
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
