i think my mom watched the whole time
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
