Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize