i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
