walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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