Im at strip club and am horny
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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