I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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