She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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