Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
