he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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