This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
