I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
