Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
