you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
wow bdsm is so cute
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
