Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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