fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
