I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I party with great urgency now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize