You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
