I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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